Forgiving Others When You Don’t Want To

“And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.”  Luke 23:34 (ESV)

Have you ever said something only to hear it again repeated, but this time, it is not even closely related to the original words spoken? Chinese Whispers is the great analogy to this, or manipulation of words might be a better explanation.

I cannot believe that I am about to make a Star Wars reference (my husband will be proud), but something jumped to my attention as I sat watching Episode 6, “Return of the Jedi” for movie night with my family. Watch out, there are spoilers coming. The movie is up to the part where Emperor Palpatine is telling Luke that he is about to watch the last of the Rebellion be destroyed. Luke is getting angry and the Emperor is encouraging Luke’s “hate to swell”. He is trying to use hate to get Luke to turn to the “dark side of the Force”. Another spoiler alert, Luke resists and evil is defeated – like you didn’t know.

Back to my story. I had set boundaries with some people and they were then very upset with me. I had heard from a third party that my words had been twisted and were then being used against me. The thing is, they won’t confront me about it and they will harbour the hurt instead of resolving the issue. The bottom line is, I set boundaries and they didn’t like it. This is not the first time that I have upset them for setting boundaries, nor it will be the last. Can you relate?

Choices

I had to make a choice. I could have either chose to make myself really upset about it and let my “hate swell” or, I could choose to forgive them – remember, forgiveness is a choice NOT a feeling. It hurt me, again, but I chose to forgive and have left them to God. I did this by admitting my own anger and pain in this situation, I asked God to forgive me for my sinful attitude towards them, and I am leaving the consequences up to Him for the ones who are speaking badly. I have taken it out of my own hands, let go of seeking vengeance (or justice), and placed it into God’s hands. Did I still hurt about it? You bet but unforgiveness only hurts yourself, it doesn’t hurt the others involved. As the saying goes:

‘Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and expecting the other person to die.’

This situation sounds like such a trivial thing but how many ‘trivial’ situations do you have going around your head at the moment that make you mad? How many of these situations have led to unforgiveness?

A Lesson Learnt

Many years ago, I had learnt my lesson the hard way. I was a very angry, bitter person, filled with unforgiveness. This manifested physically with an ear infection that spread to my skull. The Lord caused a series of events to happen where they found the spreading infection in time. The thing was, I had no symptoms, not one. This in itself was a miracle but the fact that this infection was silent, also meant that I would have died had it not been ‘accidentally’ found. I had the operation to remove the infection, as well as the insides of my ear and part of my skull. At this point in time, I did not know that unforgiveness was affecting me so horribly. I still would not forgive. The infection returned with more vengeance than before. Another operation, more skull bone removed. This time, with only 20% hearing left, I understood.

I forgave and the infection has never returned. I go for a check up every year and each time I get the all clear.

In the verse at the top of this post, Jesus was hanging on a cross when He asked His Father to forgive those who were beating Him, crucifying Him, mocking Him, and even those who had deserted Him – His disciples. He had done nothing wrong. If Jesus can forgive them, how much more do you and I need to forgive those who hurt us! I can’t imagine that I would ever be hung on a cross for my faith. How about you?

So what do you do now?

If you have ANY unforgiveness at all in your heart – either towards others, towards God or even towards yourself, I implore you to deal with it right this very second. Don’t put it off another moment. Unforgiveness not only hurts you, but it allows the devil and his minions to create havoc in your life, and it hurts those around you – more than you know.

Truly, it does. Don’t drink the poison of bitterness and unforgiveness. Forgive and allow yourself to receive the freedom and joy it brings. God is the only one who can bring comfort and His healing balm into your wounded heart. Forgive and receive His healing.

Trust me, it’s worth it.

Prayer:

Thank You, Jesus, that You died for me to make a way for me to go to Heaven. I choose to forgive ________ (insert person, God, yourself or situation here) for __________ (what the offence was and be specific). I am angry/hurt/devastated by their actions. I release them from my unforgiveness and I leave their consequences for hurting me with You. Please forgive me for disobeying You in holding onto unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment. Please forgive me for trying to take justice into my own hands and wanting to see others suffer. Thank You Father for forgiving me. I receive it now in Jesus’ Name. Please comfort my wounded soul and flood me with Your healing balm. Please bless and heal the wounded hearts that hurt me. Thank You Jesus!

You may need to pray this every day, every several times a day. I totally understand. At times I do too. It truly is worth it.

Try it and see. It may take time but the freedom, hope and joy you receive will be worth it.

If you need prayer or want to share a victory after praying this prayer, I would love to hear from you. Forgiveness will set you free. I would love to share with you in your victory. Please feel free to write in the comments below or contact me here.

As always, many blessings to you and know that I am praying for you.