How To Honour People You Disagree With

Do you have leaders and people of authority in your life that are making decisions that you strongly disagree with, dislike or even abhor?

Do you have so called friends that ripped your heart out, stamped on it, and walked away, seemingly happy that they have just devastated your life?

Do you have friends or family members who you would like to … who annoy and frustrate you?

If you are breathing then you would probably say a resounding “YES!!” to one or all of the above.

The Bible tells us that we are meant to love our enemies, pray for our leaders and honour our parents.

Why am I talking about this?

Well, in the last few weeks, my eyes have been truly opened to the gross lack of honour in not only our society, but amongst the body of Christ.

I was on the phone to my husband one afternoon this week, and he asked how I was. These words came flying out of my mouth … “I am so tired of women bagging on men. No wonder why they have no idea who they are or what they’re supposed to be doing!” There was such anger inside of me that I was genuinely shocked.

Now before you click away, am I oblivious to the plight of millions of women in the world who are suffering at the hands of men? Of course not. Am I frustrated at men who don’t protect their families, children, or those who are under their care? You better believe it because that is part of what God created them to do.

A horrific fact.

Would it shock you to know that the founder of a huge child sex trade in an Asian nation was a woman? (I am trying to find the story and will post it here as soon as I do but for now, I’m just trying to show you that it isn’t only men who do deplorable things.)

Please hear my heart. I am not here to criticise men or women or anyone for that matter. I am very blessed to be a woman and all that goes with that. I live in what I believe to be the best and freest country in the world and even though I used to loathe being female because to me it epitomised being weak, the longer I live the more I see how far from the truth that is. You don’t have to look very far back in history to see some amazing feats of women. Just look in the Bible. It is filled with heroines!

Dishonour is Everywhere.

Maybe it’s just me but have you noticed there is dishonour everywhere? Maybe it’s just me.

There’s dishonour of Presidents and Prime Ministers.

There’s dishonour of Pastors and leaders in the church.

There’s dishonour of women.

There’s dishonour of men.

There’s dishonour of unborn babies while women fight for their ‘right to choose’. Yes, they do have the right to choose. But just know, if the baby was outside their body, they would be up for murder and be in jail. That may sound harsh but it is true. I have personally known married women who have aborted babies because they wanted their house renovation or their European holiday instead. I have also known women who have been raped and kept their babies.
Important Note: I am not talking about babies who will not survive due to extreme extenuating circumstances. Neither am I judging those who have already had abortions. God is Healer and Forgiver. No-one is beyond His freedom, His love, and His complete restoration.

You name any leader, race of people, people in authority, man, woman or child, somewhere, somehow, they are being dishonoured. Maybe it’s happening to you right now.

“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers (and sisters), these things ought not to be so.”

(James 3:10 ESV)

Are there people who do idiotically, stupid, insane, ridiculous, horrific things in the world? Absolutely but we have to stop gossiping, criticising and dishonouring them.

Do we have to agree with what they are doing? Absolutely not but nor are we supposed to be hiding amongst the anonymity of social media, sprouting off the first thing that comes into our heads out of our emotions!

Contrary to popular belief, there are some things that should remain unsaid except when processing with a close and trusted friend, or with God in prayer. Even then, the main goal needs to be finding God’s heart regarding the situation and obeying the steps He gives us to do.

Now, I am not dismissing anyone’s pain of being hurt, abandoned, abused or misused, but there comes a time when you and me have to say, “OK, that happened. What do I have to do to get healed from those hurts, how do I learn to forgive those who hurt me or didn’t do what I wanted, and what is my next step in moving forward?” Obviously if you are in a physically or emotionally dangerous situation, find someone who can help you get out.

Without this, there is no life for you. Resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness (and dare I say dishonour) is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die. I should know. I lost the inside of my ear and part of my skull because of these things.

So how do we do this honouring thing?

Let me just say, right off the bat that it isn’t easy. It may go against everything you are feeling inside. Do it anyway.

Firstly admit that you have a problem. Listen to yourself when you talk to others. What are you saying the most? Is criticism, judgement or complaining taking up the majority of your conversation? Remember,

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

(Matthew 12:34b ESV)

Take notice of who you are actually speaking badly about? Ask Holy Spirit to show you exactly why this matter upsets you so much. It could be triggering unhealed wounds in your own heart. God could be showing you an area that He wants you to pray about or move into to help with.

Get help from someone who can lead you in inner healing. Heart wounds are the cause of the majority of issues in the world. If we all had healed hearts, loving God and loving others wouldn’t be so much of a challenging task.

As you are on your road to healing, repent for speaking dishonouring and critical words and receive God’s forgiveness. When you criticise others, you are criticising God’s children. I don’t know about you but I really don’t like it if I hear someone criticising my own children. God doesn’t like it much either. You can tell him how the person/people have hurt you but you can’t judge their motives. Only God knows their hearts, just as He knows yours.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

(1 John 1:9 NASB)

God is full of grace and mercy but He is also holy and just. There are consequences for sin just as there are rewards for right living. If things go awry, please don’t blame God. When sin is present, it literally opens the door to hell so that the enemy can come and harass you personally, and make your life an absolute misery.

Begin honouring those who have disappointed you or hurt you. You can simply do this by asking God to bless them. When you do this, you allow God to work in their lives. If the person isn’t listening to correction, when you ask God to bless them, He has a unique way of bringing people to Himself and to repentance.

Even if they won’t listen, you will be healed and free, and everything they do will be on their own heads. Even if they choose to ignore God, keep blessing them until you no longer feel the sting of hearing their name in your soul.

I so know this is not easy but I can assure you, in the long run, it is worth it.

But you don’t know what I’ve been through!

No I don’t. Neither do you know the struggles I have had with pain and dishonour. I am certainly not minimising what has happened to you. I am just trying to show you the path to freedom.

Two Powerful Examples

There are 2 men in the Bible who had every reason to dishonour their leaders. One was actually being hunted by his king (1 Samuel 23:7-24:22) and the other was left for dead with some very hungry lions (Daniel 6). Yet neither of these men dishonoured those who were in charge of their fate.

Daniel and King David knew the power of honour. Today’s Church would do well to learn from them. Daniel was saved from the mouths of lions and promoted to “ruler over the whole province of Babylon” (Daniel 2:46-49) and David became king over Israel (2 Samuel 5) and is forever known as a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22).

This is the power of honour.

God has appointed the leaders we have over our churches and our countries (Rom 13:1). The Bible tells us to ‘give thanks’ and pray for them (1 Tim 2:1-3), not tear them to pieces thinking you could do better than they. Maybe you could but you aren’t doing their jobs right now. Yours and my job is to lift up the hands of our leaders, just as Aaron and Hur did for Moses while Joshua led the Hebrews in battle in defeating the Amalekites (Exodus 17:12-14). Our leaders are in a war against the dark forces of the earth but sadly, the majority of leaders are caught up in a war with each other or with people under their sphere of influence.

Brothers and sisters, this should not be.

Our enemy is never people and especially not our leaders. The enemy is the kingdom of darkness but if you have relationship with Jesus, you are on the winning side. Light will always push back darkness and words of kindness, strength, encouragement and correction, all done in love, is the light that the world needs today.

God can heal you, free you from the bondage of unforgiveness, promote you and use you to bring about tremendous transformation not only for yourself, but for your world that surrounds you.

Choose forgiveness and honour today. It’s not easy but you will eventually experience a freedom and relationship with Father God that is more glorious than you could ever imagine.

I promise!

If you are struggling with unforgiveness, here is a post that I wrote that may help you on your way to freedom.

If you would like prayer today because you are struggling with any of these things, I would love to pray for you. Drop a comment below or send me an email here.

Maybe you have experienced true freedom in this area. We would love to read your story that would encourage and inspire others to step out and choose forgiveness and honour today.

God will honour you and meet you where you are as you step out towards freedom today. You don’t have to do this alone.

Many blessings to you, as always.

(Photo credit: Photo by Lukas from Pexels)