I am so glad you asked.
When I first met my husband, he was such a quiet guy and seemed so genuine. Almost too genuine to be real. We were in the worship team at church together but didn’t really have too much to do with each other outside of there. One night, I was in the congregation and he was playing his guitar and the Lord spoke to my heart. “He is the one you are going to marry.” I argued and said, “No way. I am never getting married”, for too many reasons to mention today. God gently said, “You need to ask him out because he is too shy to ask.” Nuh-uh. Wasn’t doing that either. So, instead of listening to the sermon (Sorry Pastor Graham) I spent the whole time arguing with God.
Guess who won? Not me.
Turns out, God was right. As of this year (2019) we will have been married for 22 years. At first I was infatuated with this guy who was ALWAYS nice to me. Never had that. It was so foreign and weird. Rejection was all I knew and some of it was deserved. I tried to break it off so many times because I just didn’t know how to deal with his love and kindness towards me. He wouldn’t leave. I wasn’t nice to him at times, I was awful in fact. I had so much baggage yet, no matter what I did or said to him, he was always kind.
This is love.
The dictionary basically describes love as a feeling. I have found that to be misguided, untrue and the cause of great pain.
The much quoted passage of Scripture states:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a,13 (ESV)
What is Love?
Love is a verb, a ‘doing word’. None of the above definitions are feelings. Love is actually a choice. There were times in our marriage when we weren’t ‘in love’ with each other but because my husband is the opposite of me, he didn’t let his feelings get in the way. He CHOSE to always show me, with actions, that he still loved me. He has been my earthly example of what a loving God is like. I can never thank him enough for this and I am eternally grateful to God for bringing this man into my life. Believe me, this man has the most gigantic reward waiting for him in Heaven!
Someone can tell you all day that they love you but until it is backed up with actions, it’s hard to believe isn’t it? God doesn’t only say that He loves you, He backs up His words with actions. God, your Heavenly Father, GAVE His only Son to you so that you could live forever with Him. If that is not love by choice, I don’t know what is.
This is how you show love to those in your life whose actions you struggle with. You choose to. Does it mean that you don’t set boundaries and you put yourself in the way of being walked on and hurt? No it doesn’t. If you are in a physically or emotionally dangerous situation, you need to get out of it. No question about that. If the situation is less volatile, you can still set boundaries and choose to love them at the same time. You can ask God for a plan of action and then do what He says. Is it easy? Not always. Sometimes it is downright painful and to be honest, at times, I simply just don’t want to. I am still practicing love. Remember, God requires it – whether we ‘feel’ like it or not. It’s called obedience. Ugh!
The biggest thing to know is that hurting people hurt people. Only God knows what the other person has been through. This is NEVER an excuse for their behaviour, however. You are to love them, despite your feelings, and leave their judgement to God.
Love is how even the most hurtful people come to Christ. Jesus is your ultimate guide on how to love people – especially the ones who are unkind to you. He could have called down the angels of Heaven to come and rescue Him at any time. He didn’t because He chose not to listen to His feelings.
This is love.
Luke 22:42 (ESV)
“… saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”
Instead, Jesus chose love ……. So must we.
What are some ways that you could show someone love to that you are struggling with today? If you are finding this area difficult, I would love to pray for you. If you would like prayer, write your struggle in the comments and I will pray for you today. I would also love to read your ideas so please share those too.
Many blessings to you,
(Photo credit – www.pexels.com)
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